Piece of memory from a beautiful late night dream...

Beautiful love creates beautiful kisses...

It's When....

It's when heart decides....

It's when heart knows what's right...

It's when doubt lost...

And questions exist no more...

It's when no words ever right enough to describe...

And no logic ever smart enough to explain...

The Love grows inside...

It's when Faith lingering the two of us...

And Love fill in the both of us...

It's when our hearts become one...

It's when we look each other in the eyes...

With a wordless smile...

And we know...

That we are home now...

Love is all there is...

...Freedom is the only thing that can exist in the space of Love...
(Conversation with God - The uncommon dialogue)


Talking about Love in its universality meanings...
Then freedom comes as the centre of the discussion...

One really nice phrase I read in one good book says that ‘freedom is the only thing that can exist in the space of Love’…

Is it really?

After some time contemplating the statement… It is really…

This is how I see it…


Human soul and change

Human, as Life itself, changing all the time..
Nothing is ever the same... What consistent is the inconsistency itself...

As hard as we try to be the same, or force things to keep the same, we won't be able to resist the change happening with everything surround us as well as the change happening within us...

It took me a while to understand this thing...

Years back, when I was so young, there were moments I remember when friends will push us further from their circle whenever they feel that we are changing... Into someone they don't know.. When 'change' is something to be avoided... no matter how good or bad the change itself... It is avoided simply because it presents something new,, something unfamiliar,, yet creates insecurity... A lot of times in Life, status quo chosen as the best solution only because the security and familiarity it gives... Yet by choosing so, we fail to see the beauty or at least knowing the beauty of the new things...

Back to ourselves as a human, as a soul, we keep on changing... conscious or unconsciously... There is one thing I have been thinking for some time, that we can measure our growth as a soul by how often people succeed to define us as a person... The moment we are being understood and easily defined is the sign that we stop to grow, or more precisely resting a bit too long in one stage of Life...

This is taken from the introduction chapter of The Madman by Kahlil Gibran:
....And I have found both freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us...

Freedom and space to grow

Then as human keeps on changing... How can we keep on loving people we love when they constantly change? What if the side that I love dissapear and change into another side that I don't know? And even before I get acquainted with the new side, it starts to tranform into some other new side that I have no idea on what it will become...

Love then is all about giving freedom and space to people we love to be who they really are... To see them as one whole package...

The easiest example is when we talk about Love between couple.. A lot of times the theme of fights or arguments are about differences and the 'bad' side of our couple.. The analogy that perfectly represent this situation is color...

When we say that we love our couple is the same way when I say that I love grey color!... Yet the statement of 'I love my couple' will mostly follows by but....... I don't like it when He/She is bla bla bla... and also when He/She is being bla bla bla... It will be like saying I love grey color but I don't like black color... Yet grey is a combination of white and black.. Both are what consist grey color... They are completing one another into the lovely grey color that we love...

A lot people will find it hard to accept this... Yes,, because the framework is still black and white... Good and bad... Let's try another color that might help us understand this more clearly.. Say that I love Orange color and loving red color and yellow as two main primary colors that consist orange... As red is as beautiful as the yellow and both creates the color I love the most - Orange-...

So it is all about seeing people we love for who they really are, as nothing is bad, because one completes the other to creates the person for whom He/She really is...

And most importantly is about giving space for them to grow... Not stopping them by making judgements nor definition of who they are... But loving them as a constantly growing soul... And by time we will always find new amazement in the person we love... It's experiencing new Love all the way...

It's about being fair and respectful

What makes the effort sometimes hard is when our surroundings do not have the same way of thinking as we are...

Along the way people creates a lot of bias and see us from one single particular point of view that sometimes does not represent even one single percent of who we really are...

Bias as well comes by judgement and definition that born from comparison... Comparing us in the measurement of other people... Yet every single soul is unique, nothing is the same... Nothing in this universe is duplication as God is the almighty Creator... God creates not duplicate nor replicate...

Yet we can not control other people... We can only be responsible for who we are... Being conscious includes conscious about what things surround us might make us feel and take control over it before it takes control over us..

Wrong thought, perspective, and bias about us shall not make us create the same things to the other person... As by doing so we are not being fair because we, as they are, just see them for one single small side that might not at all represent who they really are..

It is how we try to be respectful even when those respect does not returning back to us... Yet Life is not a trade centre where profit or loss is what matters...

I believe when we succeed to understand and implement these.. That will be the moment when the statement of 'I love you' becomes the real truth :)

So for those blocking their heart for me before even knowing me for who I really am, I am trying as hard as I can to be fair to you… To see you for the real you and to know you for the real you … Praying you’ll be able to do the same… Yet if you fail to do so… No worries… I’ll love you for you…

A good 24...

24 years...

24 blastful years...


That I have the wonderful gift of living...


As I go through year by year... My memory captures frame by frame of my journey...

I see wonderful mixture of composition...

I see beautiful combination of different colors blended together...

I feel the love,, the pain,, the lost,, the confusion,, the joy,, the tears,, the laughter,, the ups,, and downs

I remember all the journey within... gathering pieces by pieces of my own Self...

And come to this point.... Today... Twenty four...

Gratefuly... I say... I am alive... as alive as I can be... Filled with Love within... And surrounded by Love outside..

Proudly I say... I reach the point I wishes to reach at 24... and seeing my way to complete my 25,26,27......

I am grateful for the best gift that I have always get in my Birthday... always...

It's my gift.. of living... of alive...

So.. happily I say.... This is a good 24!

The holly celebration: Once again… I am giving you back to the hands of life

This is a celebration of my deepest grief
And the holly moment of overwhelmed surrender

By this I am humbly giving you to the hands of life
By this my heart purely decide that my mission God given me is done

The devotion of my whole self has completed
The acceptation of my whole self has perfected

By heart I know I’ve given all Life wants me to give
By heart I believe I’ve taken all Life wants me to take

I’ve shared every single life-wisdom I know
And I’ve learned every single life-learning you have

The circle has completed
I know I didn’t fail you
For God knows I’ve given all my best

Once again… I am giving you back to the hands of life

Life is calling you
Your own Self is calling you

So don’t fail them….

Go travel your life…

Mother's Womb

I want to sleep in mother's womb...
Safe and soundly in mother's womb...

So warm and so dark...

Let the darkness darken my soul..
Let the water inside drowning me down deep...

The light keeps shining me through...
And the voice keeps calling me to go out of my dear mother's womb...

But wait...
Just give me a little while...
Just leave me a little while...

Because my pain wanting me here...
Our reunion just begins...
I want to feel every single of it
From the heart to each and every part of my body...

Let me drop every single tears I have...
For as long as I wish...

Then I'll smile back to the world...
I promise...

I am...

I am... a small piece of dust in a desert
I am... one drop of water in the sea

I am just one little piece of all the Magnificent Artworks exist
Yet... I am the Magnificent Artwork itself as well

I am... Unsignificant and Significant at the same time

How beautiful God works... How beautiful

My Letter to you all...

Dear Friends… How are you?

I hope life treats you wonderfully fine
I am doing fine here
I am feeling grateful

Grateful as I feel that life is pouring me never ending learning water from its precious bucket
Learning from my mistakes, my stupidity, my ego, my confusion, my limitation…
Learning from others' wisdom

Realizing how I am still far away from knowing much about life…
Understanding myself bit by bit, seeing my faces in others

Solemnly looking down… knowing that I am no one… and everyone at the same time…

Dear friends…
How are you?
I wish you all the very best in your own journey
Wishing you are as grateful as I am
And hoping so much that Life treats you as good as it is treating me

For those heading somewhere to other part of the world starting their own journey; physical, emotional and spiritual journeys…
I wish you all my sincere hope of great experiences
Experiences that will lead you to knowing your own selves

For those welcoming their new days in new atmosphere
I wish you joy and enthusiasm
Welcome the unknown with a blasting happy heart

And at last for everybody
I wish you all an exciting heart in living your life
In writing your own story of life
Making the best of your time in this life

It is my honor to have you all in this life time…
May god be with you all…

Go travel your life…

With all the love I have,
Kiki

The Nicest Morning

It was just 2.23 am when I woke up suddenly. No reason… Just a sudden woke up. I was checking the time on my HP and replying one nice message I received :)

I tried to go back to sleep. It was a hard effort, really… I just don’t feel sleepy at all. I guess it was because of two cups of coffee I had at the day time. I start to get so nervous. Nervous because I know I’m so bad with getting less sleep time. I know I’ll turn into zombie for the rest of the day with 2 round black circle under my eyes. Getting all dizzy. And my brain will simply stop working. The more nervous I get, the harder for me to go back to sleep.

So I decided to made myself a nice hot chocolate and tried to read some last pages of ‘Catching in the rye’. It was maybe after around 10 nice pages that I decided to make my final attempt to go back to sleep.

Well.. I failed.. Haha and suddenly heard the birds chirping. It was around 5.30am. So I opened my window and felt the nicest city atmosphere here.
Well.. the city is always nice, especially at night with all the beautiful lights on. But it was something else, it’s not only about the view, it’s about the whole combination of everything that morning.

Buildings with its Blue-white sky colors background. The sun was still peeking and adding a slight orange color to the sky. The lights around the city and along the Love River are still on. The streets are empty; I can see the whole roads clearly, without cars and scooters covering them. And here comes the best parts that complete it all. The early morning breeze combined with the beautiful birds chirping orchestra filled the air. God... it was beautiful and peaceful...

That was Love...

I decided to have an early breakfast as I saw that the nearby breakfast store has opened. It was the nicest walk I had to the breakfast store.
I treat myself warm milk and fish dan-ping. That’s quite a heavy one. I might turn into zombie soon, but at least a healthy and happy one :)

Now I have all the reason to wake up early everyday,, To feel the Love all over again :)

Love,
Kiki

Be diligent.. In the school of life

What life for you?
How do you see life?

How do you interpret things happening in life

The question keeps on rolling... People still trying to reveil the mistery of life...

Trying to unveil the beauty and dark side of life wishing to crack the big puzzle..

The more I think about it, the more I see it...

Brighter sometimes.. Darker sometimes..

I don't care anymore..

Here I am.. Living my life..

For me, Life is simply a sophisticated school. Yes, School of Life...

There's only one curricullum for everybody..

Consisting lessons about kindness, hatred, anger, respect, tolerance, love, jealousy, envy, peace, forgiveness, and all the things that you will find in any holly bible from any religion..

But what's so sophisticated about this school is that the lessons are delivered in different kind of ways; different kind of methods for each student..

It is so sophisticated that it always adjust itself depending on the needs of each soul..

That's why each of us has different story of life..

Sometimes the lesson comes in a hard package

Lesson of love in a form of war..

Or in the death of our beloved ones..

Sometimes it comes in a simple and nice package
Lesson of forgiveness in a form a warm hug from the person we hurt..

A lot of times we wonder, why we should experience things that we experience in our life...

A lot of times we dissatisfied with it; we curse it..

Just because it seems too hard to walk through,, and too hard to be understood..

The truth is.. we just refuse to open our eyes.. we refuse to be responsive..

Yes, responsive..

In the school of life, no one gonna hit us if we don't understand the lesson.

It's all depends on whether we want to understand or not..

We decide to be responsive student or not; to be diligent student or not..

A lot of people choose not to... Because the road is tough.. Yes it is..

It is exhausting my dear friend, to be concious all the time..

But it's a life decision..

Whether we want to waste one period of life in stupidity or be rich from it..

Be a diligent student.. In the school of life..

Love,

Kiki

Beauty of being innocence

I went to hospital last night with my mom. And when we were waiting for the doctor, I can’t help but give my attention to this young boy in front of me.

I guess he was waiting also, with his parents. During all the waiting, he, maybe just like any other kid, was pretty much busy with his own world.

First act was, maybe I guess he thinks that he’s a spy or maybe army. He found a small book that he could fold and use it as a telescope or spyglass, I don’t know, and starts talking by himself. He talks with a very slow volume but pretty much enthusiastic. It seems that he’s making conversation with his partner (who’s off course nowhere to be seen)

Then he starts running here and there, showing kungfu style. It was a really funny and valuable view. And there he was, in front of everybody, but didn’t at all care that people will think it’s something uncomon and weird, and that people will laught at him. He just there, having fun, busy with his own exciting world.

He doesn’t care about what’s the common rules, the common ethics, the common values. Maybe because they just don’t suit his great imagination.

What I have in mind was,, how beautiful it is to be just as innocence as children. Then my mom said, that she once heard this saying that if adults could be just as innocence as children then the world will be a peace place to live.

And maybe it’s right. Because maybe when we try to be innocence, to be pure, to stay fresh, and try to think the world in our perspective. Without having all “common” framework of thinking that has been set for years and years. Then we would have the courage to do something out of the ordinary and eventualy make a great big change to the world. And that’s the beauty of staying innocence :)

Waiting for the call...

Everyday,,, every time,,, I always have this strong believe that I am meant to do something big,,, something beyond “me”,,, taking the step out of the ordinary,,, Seeing life in a bigger perspective, in a complete different angle…

Why? I don’t know… perhaps because I’m surrounded by extra ordinary people in my life,,, people who seeks the secret of life,,, the secret of universe,,, trying to answer the mystery of what’s beyond common knowledge.

I have once read a book (it’s either one of these book “the Celestine prophecy” , “the 10th insight”, and or “the shambala” à they are continuation of each other) they are amazing books really.
Well one part of the book says that there are reasons why we are born in the family we are now. We actually choose them because we wish to develop into someone we are desired to be. With all the family background, the learning, the conflict, all.

My mom is one of the most “aware” and “awake” person in life that I have ever met. I have grown watching, learning, discussing great things with her. She has a very high curiosity about life, and universe. She’s interested in anything about life. Whether you want to discuss it from spiritual side, from science side, from religion side, from anything. She collects books that sometimes you just don’t understand what it’s all about. She just never stops.

So basically she gives me all the influence of being curious. Curious of trying to find “me” in the middle of the universe. The thing is I don’t know if I’m in the right path now. Am I giving enough effort? Am I walking to the right way? Am I starting what I really should start? Or did I missed the call?

Something strong has grown in me,, really,, because people like my Mom, keeps showing their faces in my life. More and more. Each people have different ways to answer their questions, and a total different “faces” with my mom. But basically they are all the same. People who fight to keep their awareness up high. And keeps on awake. Just stay awake. Never fall a sleep. Not again.

Everything should have a start...

Hi everybody...

Lets start this by my full name. I'm Kiki Cresenda Hidayat, people simply call me Kiki.
Here I am starting on having a blog. Really not an effort to just following a trend. Just realizing that I actually haven't write for quite sometime. And personaly I feel that it's one of important habit that I need to keep. Because somehow, I think that write gives people the opportunity to reflect what's actually lies within us. It's a powerful way to understand ourselves. And it somehow trigger to think more on life.

And why i choose to write in a blog? Because I found that people are awakening themselves by doing this. And I get the chance to share my learning from life to other people and know what people learn from their own life. So hopefuly this will bring good to anyone

Cheers,
Kiki